Return of the Sellout

In case you had forgotten why you hated the George Lucas film merchandise empire, Froogle serves up this starchy reminder. “Well more wealth that you can imagine.” “I don’t know, I can imagine quite a bit!”

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One Response to Return of the Sellout

  1. Anonymous says:

    Seriously, man. I haven’t forgotten.

    It all started that day when I was 9 years old, and I saw the Empire Strikes back, featuring a whole new breed of troopers called snowtroopers, with their slightly differing uniforms. And then the re-issue of a Luke Skywalker figure, a Han Solo figure and a Princess Leia figure, now in their new “Bespin” outfits. And I realized, dammit! That fuck George Lucas is just milking us for more cash, putting out yet another slightly different design of the same figures just to get more of my mom’s hard-earned money out of me.

    …or no wait…maybe it was November 17, 1978, the airing of the Star Wars Holiday Special, when I watched bright-eyed as they showed this mysterious new character called Boba Fett, just in time for a special Kenner Christmas offer. Lucas baited-and-hooked us with the promise of a missile-firing rocketpack, and then pulled the missile-firing idea at the last minute for so-called “safety reasons.”

    Actually, I take that back. It was 1977, and I had to have the Star Wars lunchbox, the C3P0-shaped container of bubble bath, the R2D2 digital watch with red LED dispay, the white Star Wars t-shirt with the black 3/4-length sleeves, the remote-controlled R2D2, the giant Darth Vader bust carrying case for my action figures, the Star Wars zip-and-speed truck (and there wasn’t even any trucks *in* Star Wars at that point), the Star Wars Dixie cups, the Star Wars notebooks and folders, the Escape from the Death Star board game, the Star Wars Dip Dots painting design book, the Star Wars Shrinky Dinks, the Star Wars Colorforms, the Star Wars Christmas album (C3P0 sings! NOW how much would you pay?), the Chewbacca nightlight, the Darth Vader light switch cover, the C3P0 alarm clock, the Star Wars Marvel comic books, the R2D2 model kit, the “May the Force be with you” pin, the Star Wars Electronic Battle Command Game, Begin, Reagan, Palistine, terror on the airline, Ayatollah’s in Iran, Russians in Afghanistan, Wheel of Fortune, Sally Ride, heavy metal, suicide, foreign debts, homeless vets, AIDS, crack, Bernie Goetz, hypodermics on the shore, China’s under martial law, rock and roller cola wars, etc.

    Fuckin’ sellout.

    R.P.

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